? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
