when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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