Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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