lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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