Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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