woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
