Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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