I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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