Cold hands, warm shart.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
there is puke in my bra ... again
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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