i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
