my phone needs a breathalizer
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
