It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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