saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
