It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you never un-have a 4some
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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