I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
