I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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