i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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