i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
