Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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