i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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