home. puking in laundry basket.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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