My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
