Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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