Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
