Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
