I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
