Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
