Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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