But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
