Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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