I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The ass gains better be worth it
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