I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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