Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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