really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize