i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
