She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
