I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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