The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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