addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize