Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
