i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize