my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
