He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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