i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
