Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
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