I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
