i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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