He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
