Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
