what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just forgot I was standing up.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Floor bacon is actually really good
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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