she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
