In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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