Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
