At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
