what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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