ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
