Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
