my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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