mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize