Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
