My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
