arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
