I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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