so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
