Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
