Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
