plz talk dirty to me
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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