talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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