I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
