remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
