I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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