She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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