Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
