I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
