people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
