You were right. It hurts to walk today.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
