But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
