tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
