id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
