If i come over, it means nothing
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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