Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
