please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
