I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
