i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Two words: blizzard sex
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
